sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
