dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
