So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My breasts were aching with rage.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
