I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
