Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
