Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize