I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
