I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
