it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
