I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
