So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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