can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
True strength comes from lack of pants
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
