I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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