You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How does it feel to date your dad?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize