Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
