Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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