so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Houston, we have a blender
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
