Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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