last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
