hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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