Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
