Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
