She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
