Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
