he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize