This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize