i think my mom watched the whole time
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
