you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
