it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
