Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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