I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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