Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
