people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
