There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Let's get the cat blown out
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
