the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
