We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
