I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
