Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
