I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
