i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
