okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
