We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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