Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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