I'm laying in your front yard are you home
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
