I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
