So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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