I'm going to jail i love you
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize