she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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