We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
