i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Edward fifth and chaser hands
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize