Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
