is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
