I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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