Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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