I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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