i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You're a waste of cheezeits
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
