this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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