her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
