we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
