mondays should just be called national damage control day
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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