She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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