btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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