This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize