i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Life is so much better after having sex.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
